Choose Love

The other day I was taking an Uber to the airport and chatted with the driver along the way. When I mentioned my wife, she asked how long I have been married. I told that this year will mark our 43rd anniversary. She immediately asked how I had managed to stay married for so long.

I told her that every day I chose to love my wife more than I love anyone else.

"Love is a choice." I told her. "It is something you choose. It is not something that happens to you."

Hollywood loves to sell us on the fabulous lie that we fall into (and out of) love. 

While it is true that sexual attraction can happen to you, love cannot. Sexual attraction may involve hormones, pheromones, and other stimuli that bombard you, so in that regard attraction can happen to you. Unlike sexual attraction, love doesn't happen to you, it is something you choose.

And before we move off the topic of sexual attraction, while that can happen to you and catch you unawares, what you do about that attraction is entirely your choice. You can ignore it. Walk away from it. Or, you can indulge it. Regardless, after the initial unexpected jolt, what happens next depends entirely upon the choices you make. So, own it.

When we foolishly and erroneously talk of love as something we fall into or out of, we willfully ignore and excuse ourselves for the choices we make. 

Love is not something you fall into. You are walking down the street, not watching you step and accidently step into an uncovered hole at the bottom of which is a pile of love. Likewise you aren't walking down the street covered in love and fall into a hole and the love you felt for someone is suddenly thrown off, out of reach on the street above you where you walked a moment before.

Let's move off for a moment from the topic of the love that binds the lives of people together in a relationship that brings out the best in both of them. Let's talk about the broader situation where we need to choose to love.

Choosing to love is the hard choice that makes life much easier. Just as choosing to hate is the easy choice that makes life harder.

Today, we are living in a world that is being torn asunder with hatred and enmity. Too often our political and sometimes even our religious leaders teach us that those who don't agree with us are evil and hateful. They are bad people. 

This is taught in political rallies all the time. 

The people in the other party want to destroy you and your way of life. They must be stopped at any cost. Whatever you do to thwart them is good, and whatever they do is always bad. They are a threat to your very existence.

In his Sermon on the Mount Jesus of Nazareth taught that we should love those that hate us and pray for those who despitefully use us. Christ showed that God hates the sin and loves the sinner.

We can, and should, stand up for what we believe is right. However, we must not hate those who don't agree with us. In fact, we must choose to love them in spite of whatever "sin" they embrace and even in spite of however they may "despitefully use [us]."

When others actually harm you, or even appear to be supporting things that may harm you, it is easy to hate them. Unfortunately, when you choose to hate, you fill your life with hate.

Hate is the easy choice that makes your own life hard.

In contrast, when you choose to love, you make a hard choice which ends up making your life so much easier because when your life is filled with love, everything is easier to bear.

Just to be clear, I know that evil is real. I know that there absolute, cosmic standards which differentiate between right and wrong, good and evil. Yes, I believe that both Christ and Lucifer are real individuals, each with their own agendas and followers, both seen and unseen.

I also know that there will come a great day of reckoning where each of us in turn will stand before God and account for our actions, choices, deeds, words, and thoughts in this life. 

While I can see the actions of a person and typically judge correctly if they are good or evil, I can never have the knowledge needed to be able to say if that person is good or evil. That judgement is left wholly to God, because he sees the entire picture of each of us.

The great news is that each of is given the gift of choice. We have our own agency and freedom to choose. However, we don't have freedom from the consequences of our choices. Many of those consequences are as inevitable as the effects of gravity.

When we choose to hate, the consequence is that our thoughts and feelings in all aspects of our lives become tainted with the grit of bad feelings. Too often this results in the destruction of the loving relationships we have in our lives. Then, we end up alone, bitter, and hateful, i.e., full of hate.

When we choose to love, even when unlovely things happen or are done to us, our thoughts and feelings are lubricated with love. Bad things happen, but they don't destroy us. Others try to wound us with their words and deeds, but regardless of the harm they do us, we know that they are harming themselves even more and we feel sorrow for them. 

When we choose to respond with love to hate, it confuses people. It also deprives them of their opportunity to control us. If we only give love for love and harm for harm, then anyone can control us. They can lead us to destruction with words and deeds which appear to be kind and loving. They can drive is to do great evils by prodding us with anger and blatant harms.

I could go on, but I believe I have made my point. I hope you will ponder my points and add your own. 

Our ability to choose how we act, instead of reacting, is a singular quality that sets us apart from the brute animals. The only way we will quell the divisive and violent nature of our society (and our lives) is to choose love.

See Tom's political views on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/TomSheppardPoliticalViews/
Follow Tom on Twitter: @ThomasKSheppard

Tom Sheppard is a business consultant and coach to small business owners and individuals. He is a recognized author with dozens of titles in business and fiction to his credit. One of his endeavors is to help those who want to see their own book in print. He does this through his trademarked Book Whispering Process (TM).

The author is not an official spokesperson for any organization or person mentioned herein.

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