Tom Sheppard
6/21/2020
All of us have dads. It isn't possible to come into this world without one. Some feel they have great dads. Some feel they are great dads. Some have disappointing dads. Some are disappointing dads. Some of us disappoint dad.
Some are disappointing dads because they aren't there. They engendered a child and then, at some point before or after birth, they went away of their own volition. Each became a disappointing dad because absence seemed to signal indifference, disinterest, or even hostility.
I have heard that some children who lose their father to death experience this same kind of disappointment or anger. Blaming dad for his absence, although it was due to powers outside his control.
For those whose fathers are present, everything doesn't necessarily come out well either. Some disappointing dads abuse their children. Sometimes that abuse is deliberate. In other instances it may be unconscious. With still others, it may be more perception than reality. After all, what child, denied the desire of their heart at some moment hasn't in anger cried out to their parent, "I hate you. You are the worst dad/mother, ever."
For my part, some things about my dad puzzled me for many decades. Until my own children reached adulthood, marriage and their own children they remained an enigma. Then, almost in an instant, like a bolt of knowledge from heaven some previously inexplicable behavior, words, or attitude of my own dad, pondered fruitlessly for years but never understood, becomes utterly clear and understandable. Revealed by wisdom learned from experience only possible by having first traversed all the time and experiences inherent in those many years. I needed certain experiences to achieve the necessary perspective, or context, to fully understand and appreciate some of my dad's behaviors, words, and deeds.
I know that at times my children have felt they had a disappointing dad. At times that was merited. I have never claimed to be perfect in any of my endeavors. I do the best I can with what I know. Some things I have done, or do, that disappoint them I am confident will look very different to them when they too have reached a point in life where they can more fully understand the context and realize that knowledge that is hidden to children because of inexperience is often revealed only through subsequent years of experience. Time inevitably changes your perception of the past, present, and future.
The shoe of disappointment doesn't only fit children feeling disappointment with dad. Dads at times too feel disappointment in their children. As with the disappointment of child with dad, dad's disappointment in his child may result from actual bad behavior, from failing to meet expectations, or simply be a matter of perception rather than fact.
In Matthew 5:48 Jesus revealed what is the ultimate purpose of our life on earth. "Be ye therefore perfect," he said. "Even as your father in heaven is perfect."
In other words, the natural impulse most of feel at some point to grow up to be just like dad, is the actual purpose of life. Not to be like our flawed, mortal dads, but like our perfect, Heavenly Dad.
Some, however think our Heavenly Dad is a disappointing dad.
We learn from religion that our shared dad is perfect. He has all-power, all-knowledge. He is full of truth, justice, mercy, and love.
Those who think he is a disappointing dad see bad things happen to good people and are disappointed that Dad didn't use his power and knowledge to prevent these bad things from happening to good people. They see this apparent inaction as indicating that either he doesn't really care, isn't really all-powerful and all-knowing. They think perhaps it shows he isn't truthful, just, merciful, or loving. They suppose this indicates either that he doesn't care, or perhaps doesn't actually exist, or if he exists, not with the attributes ascribed to him.
Due to experiences of my own, too deeply sacred and personal to share here, I know that our Heavenly Dad is real. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, just, merciful, and loves us with a deeper and more perfect love than we can imagine.
Just as I have learned, through decades of experience, to understand some formerly inexplicable actions or words of my earthy dad, I have come to accept that many, perhaps most, of the actions or inaction of my Heavenly Dad will not be understood by me until my perspective is fundamentally changed through certain experiences. Some of those experiences are likely to include my own death, and the lessons learned will not be understood until after I pass through that portal.
This belief that my Heavenly Dad is perfect and good, even when I don't understand why he allows some things to happen is called faith. Faith is belief in something that is unseen and true.
Until I can understand the context of my earthly dad's actions, I am in no position to decide if I am justified in saying he is a disappointing dad. Likewise, in this life, I will never understand the context of the actions of my Heavenly Dad, so I am unjustified in deeming him a disappointing dad.
Of greater concern to me is whether or not I may be disappointing Dad, my Heavenly Dad. Am I disappointing Dad in how I am treating my brothers and sisters?
- Do I hate them because they have more than me?
- Do I despise them because they have less?
- Do I fear them or hate them because they look different than me?
Am I disappointing Dad by breaking his house rules? Particularly those house rules that keep our home a peaceful place? House rules such as
- don't murder,
- don't commit adultery,
- don't steal,
- don't lie,
- don't covet what others have.
Am I disappointing Dad by not loving my neighbor as myself?
Are you disappointing Dad?
If you feel you are disappointing Dad, don't despair. Thanks to the actions of our elder brother Jesus Christ, we can repent of all our disappointing actions and Dad will forgive and forget them. Shall we not also then, forgive others who have injured us, and leave judgment of them and their actions in the hands of God.
I am not suggesting we fail to enforce the laws of the land. Those are given by God, through our brothers and sisters, to keep peace in this earthly home, and those which are just tend to align very clearly with those I listed above.
Enforce the law against unlawful actions. And leave the judgement of who is disappointing Dad, to Him.
Follow Tom on Twitter: @ThomasKSheppard
Tom Sheppard is a business consultant and coach to small business owners and individuals. He is a recognized author with dozens of titles in business and fiction to his credit. One of his endeavors is to help those who want to see their own book in print. He does this through his trademarked Book Whispering Process (TM).
The author is not an official spokesperson for any organization or person mentioned herein.
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