Detoxing the Internet

Quarrel (C) 2010 by Lorenzo Rossi used with permission through DepositPhotos.com

Detoxing the Internet

Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable

By

Tom Sheppard

4/9/2019

Civil discourse is a hallmark of a civilized society.  Civil behavior is based on people accepting and abiding by a set of common rules for behavior.  With the advent of social media it seems that civil discourse has suffered a nearly fatal blow.  It seems no one can comment on a news article or a social media posting without either enduring the abuse of some ill-mannered internet troll, or engaging in the online equivalent of a bar-room brawl.

When I was a young man, my mother taught me how to disagree without being disagreeable.  Others may have learned this while participating in a debate club.  Regardless, there are a few simple rules which enable civil discourse.  What follows are seven simple rules for civil discourse.

1.      Assume good intent – Consciously make the assumption that those who disagree with you are:

• Sincere – they believe what they are saying.
• Honest – they are speaking from a place of integrity and not deliberately lying.
• Good – they want a world that is better than what we have today.

2.      Don’t demonize – This follows closely on the notion of assuming good intent.  When we demonize those whose views differ from ours, we turn their honest difference into a battle between good and evil.  Demonizing makes you blind to the good in others and paints everything they do, regardless of intent or outcome, as something evil that you must oppose or denigrate.

3.      Don’t deify – This ties closely to not demonizing and is the opposite side of the same coin.  When we deify our own views we assume perfection and the mantle of total goodness in oppositions to the evil of our opponents.  This will often lead to condoning the inexcusable in those who share our views and condemning the innocent mistakes of those who oppose us. We become blind to our own faults and those who agree with us, and paint everything we and ours do, regardless of intent or outcome, as something good that must be supported and cannot be criticized.

4.      No ad hominem attacks – Dictionary.com defines “ad hominem” as an adjective with two meanings:

1.       “appealing to one's prejudices, emotions, or special interests rather than to one's intellect or reason.” 

2.       “attacking an opponent's character rather than answering his argument.”

The ad hominem is the most common tool of the Internet Troll, who, when confronted with inconvenient facts or an intractable opponent resorts to insults.  E.g., “you must be an idiot to believe that”, “looks like you drank the Kool-Aid for them.” As soon as you resort to insulting someone with a different view you have lost your argument and your credibility.

5.      Separate facts from belief or opinion - it is fine to include facts, beliefs and opinions. Just don’t put forward a belief or opinion as a fact.

6.      Take time to back-check your facts – no one wants to be guilty of spreading lies or presenting fake news.  Fake news seems to boil down to one of four types:

• 1.       Outright Lies (whoppers) – presenting as facts things which never happened.
• 2.       Soundbite Lies – twisting facts by ignoring or omitting the context.
• 3.       Defense Lies – twisting facts by ignoring facts which might not support your point.
• 4.       Presenting opinions and beliefs as facts.  Use reasonably vetted sources for your facts.   Just because Snopes.com says it is or isn’t so, doesn’t make it true or false.  Read your sources with a critical eye to see if they are playing to your own biases, or those of others.

7.      Apply the Golden Rule – Yes. It is old fashioned.  Regardless, it is tried and true that if you treat others with same level of respect you want from them, you will likely have a more pleasant interaction.

Some may argue that civil discourse is irrelevant and useless.  I disagree.  The reason we engage in discourse is to understand and to be understood.  Ultimately, we are hoping we can persuade others to our viewpoint.  Following the rules of civil discourse may not bring others to embrace our views, but failing to follow them ensures that they won’t even be listening to us.  Uncivil discourse poisons the well of communication and leaves us all deaf, dumb, ignorant, and stupid

Tom Sheppard is a business consultant and coach to small business owners and individuals. He is a recognized author with dozens of titles in business and fiction to his credit. One of his endeavors is to help those who want to see their own book in print. He does this through his trademarked Book Whispering Process (TM). 

The author is not an official spokesperson for any organization or person mentioned herein. 

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 Your comments are welcome... Please observe some ground rules. No profanity, vulgarity, or personal attacks. Profanity, vulgarity and personal attacks not only betray a lack of vocabulary and imagination, they also are the hallmarks of bigotry, and bigotry is the hallmark of someone who is fundamentally insecure in their views. Facts are always welcome.